Footsteps in the Sand
by QuestionablyInsane
Summary: 'Revenge is a sad and lonely path" Unable to stand by and watch Regina go down a path of dark magic and self-destruction, Jefferson broke his own heart and let her go. Now in Storybrooke, history's repeating itself as he watches Henry's estrangement and Cora's death break the last of Regina's resolve. MadQueen, set after 'The Doctor'.
1. Prologue

**Footsteps in the Sand – Chapter One**

**AN**: Welcome! I'm used to writing angst, which is far from this chapter, but hopefully you'll stick with me! Contains spoilers for Season 2, and this chapter takes place back in FTL just after episode 5 'The Doctor'. Enjoy!

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"Jefferson…?" she mumbled against his chest, loving the way his beating heart felt against her cheek and the way his fine chest hair tickled her nose. Sunlight spilled through the tiny windows, illuminating the small, sparsely-furnished bedroom as the morning slipped past the blissfully-unaware couple.

He glanced down at her restful body, entwining his fingers in her long, ebony locks, "Mmm hmm?"

"Tell me a story...a tale of the fantastic lands you've been to" she asked, turning her head to look up at him.

"I'm going to run out of stories Regina, I've only been portal-jumping for so many years you know!" he teased, fingers absent-mindedly playing with her soft hair.

She let her lips fall slowly into a pout and he chuckled before pressing a tender kiss to his young lover's forehead, "Fine…I'm sure I can remember a few more yet"

She smiled in triumph and snuggled back against his chest, pulling the blanket further up towards her chin, "Well there was this one time a wealthy landowner paid me to find and destroy a dog, so I ended up in Oz….."

The young couple finally managed to leave the comfort of his bed a few hours later, although Regina was mildly distracted by the idea of returning to the castle with no more hope of resurrecting Daniel.

To divert from that she busied herself in the small kitchen of his modest dwelling, humming quietly as she poured tea and attempted to make some soup for lunch.

Jefferson sat quietly at the kitchen table as she worked, watching her lithe body move in her usually-constrictive outfits, and thinking about how at home she looked in that moment. Of course, he thought bitterly, she wasn't his, and it was unlikely she ever could be if they remained in this realm. At the beginning he'd often cursed himself for getting involved with the Queen, even one as young and beautiful as Regina was off limits to all but the King. Jefferson gulped at the thought of them being beheaded if their secret was discovered, but the threat still wasn't enough to stop him going back to her.

She was bewitchingly beautiful, even when he caught a glimpse of the sadness and loss that she rarely spoke about; Daniel. Jefferson knew he'd been the love of her life, and he knew that were they ever together he'd spend the rest of his life trying to fill a dead man's shoes. But he'd do it and suffer if it meant he could be with her; wake up next to her and spend moments like this for the rest of his life….

"Jefferson", the wooden spoon being waved closely in front of his face broke him from his thoughts.

"Sorry, what?" he mumbled, rubbing his eyes and stretching back in the chair.

Regina laughed, the delicate sound not unlike a beautiful melody, and flitted away back to the stove before dishing up the soup.

Jefferson managed one mouthful without a grimace but the second turned deadly and he pushed away the bowl as he dissolved into a coughing fit.

Regina raised an eyebrow from across the table as she glanced nervously at her own untouched soup, "Is it really that bad or is this little display simply for attention?"

He finished coughing and paused, trying to think of a kind way not to hurt her feelings, "What, exactly, did you put in the soup?"

Regina glanced back at the kitchen counter, "Garlic, some onions, some of that red powder and quite possibly the green powder too" she said, biting down on her lip.

"Do you even know what those powders are?"

She rolled her eyes, "Honestly Jefferson; how often do you think a Queen has to do her own cooking? I'm still learning!" she protested.

He laughed at her stubborn outburst, "And a lovely experiment it was too, perhaps next time I'll assist you in the hopes we might not perish at dinnertime!"

Regina pouted slightly and picked daintily at a piece of bread instead, "One day I'll be a fantastic cook; just you wait and see Jefferson" she teased, getting up to dispose of the inedible soup.

Jefferson smirked, he loved her stubborn temper and wicked-fast wit when they were together, it always made him imagine how they'd be if the ever got the chance to be a real couple. A chance to stop hiding away from the world and just be themselves.

Spotting her getting into difficulty with the soapy water and the long sleeves of her gown, he made quick work of coming up behind her to help.

"I take it Queens don't do the washing up either then?" he teased, snaking his arms around until she pulled away from the sink.

"Most certainly not!"

A mischievous smirk fell over his face, one which always made her very wary of his intentions, as he glanced down at the bubble-filled sink and thrust a hand in. Pulling his arm back he lifted it and blew, bubbles flying towards her and landing on her shocked face.

"Queens don't get to have a lot of fun now, do they?"

Slightly bewildered his young lover drew herself up to her full height and wiped away the bubbles, "If Rumplestiltskin could only see me now…" she muttered.

The mood of the room immediately changed and he turned away to finish washing up; Regina knew of his dislike for her learning dark magic, and especially from that imp. Every time she came to him he felt her getting darker, losing the youthful joy that made her quintessentially her. He tried so hard to hold onto the part of her which he'd initially fallen for, but it was getting harder and harder to deter her from the pull of the power. He hated Rumplestiltskin for changing her, for sending her down the path of dark magic, but nothing he said could convince her otherwise. It was one of the few things they frequently fought about, and he didn't want to ruin this perfect day by making a big deal out of it.

He made light work of the dishes and turned around to find her staring out of the window with an unreadable look on her pretty features.

"What's the matter?"

She sighed and turned to face him, "I have a masquerade ball tomorrow night"

"Sounds fun, perhaps I'll find a mask and sneak in" he teased, although he trailed off when she didn't smile as his proposition.

"They never are; I'm paraded around to a roomful of people who pretend to adore me, when all I know is that they wish I was Eva. They'll never love me like they do her"

Jefferson hesitated at her sad tone; Regina had never told him the full story of quite how she'd become queen, but he knew she was miserable locked away in that castle in a man she didn't love and a daughter who wanted her real mother.

Clearing his throat he wrapped his arms around her, "Well then they're stupid, how they could not love you I will never understand" he said, pressing a kiss to her forehead and then resting his against hers. Her huge dark eyes stared trustingly up at him, "Thank you Jefferson….for all of this"

He smiled and kissed her again before she made to head for the door, "I hate it every time you have to leave" he sulked.

"As do I, my dear Hatter. One day though, perhaps I'll never have to"

He watched as she climbed the grassy banks up to where a small carriage awaited, manned only by the two guards she trusted with her secret and her life. He watched as it moved away until no longer visible through the trees, walked back to the small kitchen sink and smashed the first object he came in contact with. Glass remnants of a vase spilled across the wooden floor. He hated it, hated her so much for leaving each time. It drove him crazy knowing she was going back to the castle to spend lonely nights with the king and a child who she had a raging hatred for.

Calming down he set about cleaning up the mess he'd just made, trying to block out the silence which invaded his home, and pretend that he could still hear her tuneful humming as she played house. He thought of her last words and how he wished they could be true; that they could have a happy life together, perhaps even a family. It would have to be in a separate world of course, but what did that matter? He'd do anything, live anywhere so long as they could be together.

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Mwahahaha oh how little he knows of what I have in store for them :p I'm giving out free mental images of Sebastian Stan's amazing naked torso…. :D

Please review and tell me what you think, even if you hate it! I'm a massive HookedQueen shipper but for some reason my brain is dead-set on finishing this MadQueen fic instead! x


	2. Long Live the Queen

**A:N. **Thanks to everyone who reviewed, they all mean a lot to me! If anyone has any trouble keeping up with the timeline/events because it's weirdly AU then just let me know and I can try to incorporate that a bit more. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it!

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The masquerade ball had come and gone in a blur of subtle digs and not so subtle comments that had ranged on everything from her age to her predecessor and more often than not were about her apparent problems at conceiving an heir for the King. Regina had grit her teeth and smiled through it, if there was one thing she was sublime at it was faking happiness. At least she'd still had Jefferson; when the King angrily took a six-month trip to a distant kingdom with Snow, she'd practically moved him into the castle. She craved the company, and Jefferson had been more than willing to oblige.

Her cheeks flushed slightly at memories of illicit activities conducted throughout her palace prison; in an attempt to serve Leopold right, she'd chosen only the places that would infuriate him the most if he ever found out.

"Why Your Majesty, I do believe you're blushing"

Her face broke into a smile as she spun around to find Jefferson, looking as dashing as ever, and she allowed herself to be swept up into an embrace. They had only hours until the King returned and she'd found herself sat by her childhood apple tree, dreaming of a life beyond the palace walls. Rumplestiltskin had promised to help her become powerful enough that no King could ever keep her trapped, but she found herself growing impatient with every passing day.

Regina brushed her lips gently against his, "You need to leave soon; the King can't find you here"

His sad smile said more than a thousand words, of how they both wished that he never had to leave. He pulled her soft form closer, angered that the King had ever been deemed worthy enough for Regina. Jefferson had never been a particularly jealous man until he'd met Regina; he'd never had much in his life that he cared enough about. Falling for Regina had turned him into a green-eyed monster, driven to panic not only by her increasing infatuation for dark magic, but also for her blood-lust when it came to the King.

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_6 Months Later_

"I heard about the king…" he finally said, managing to catch his breath and sling an arm around her shoulders.

"Oh yes, it was quite tragic" she said, her voice low and alluring before she laughed harshly, "For him at least"

Jefferson gazed down at her, "I suppose you played the part of grieving widow well?"

"Of course, I owed it to my people" her mocking smirk looked out of place on her beautiful face. They'd been separated for so long, so desperate for each other, that there hadn't been time for a lot of talking before they tumbled into bed. Now Jefferson slightly regretted bringing up the topic that had been on his mind the past month, it was hardly the nicest bedroom talk.

"I can't believe he's actually gone…everything's going to change now!" she said, her low voice alluding to hidden promises and an underlying power-hungry tone.

"Well Regina; you did it" he'd intended it to be a congratulatory statement, however his words hung sadly in the air, if she noticed she'd didn't mention it.

"We did it" she whispered, her breathe tickled his chest as she curled her body up against his, basking in their afterglow.

Jefferson touched his chin to the top of her head and gazed across the palatial room, just what had he gotten himself tangled up in? Having an affair with the Queen had been dangerous enough in the first place; but now, carrying on a liaison with the increasingly-deranged Queen who'd just murdered her husband, it seemed slightly masochistic. She was intoxicating and he was tangled in her intricate web; even if he could leave, he doubted he could ever bring himself to. He knew too many of her deepest secrets, he couldn't risk hurting her like she'd been hurt in the past; he wanted to protect her and build a life with her; if only she would allow him to.

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_2 Months Later_

The flames licked up the side of the pot, dancing wildly in the light breeze and yet reflecting an eerie, mysterious aura around the room. Regina emptied a handful of leaves and smiled contently as the potion faded to a dull grey; "Perfect, now what next?" she muttered absent-mindedly, reaching for Rumplestiltskin's book.

"Are you talking to yourself?" Jefferson drawled, startling her enough that she tensed, although she refused to turn around and let him see her reaction.

"Well I was until you interrupted"

He laughed and Regina instinctually turned back towards him, how she loved that sound; it had been long committed to her memory along with so many of their forbidden liaisons.

"It makes me nervous when you do that; as far as I'm aware your cooking skills haven't improved!" he teased, and Regina noticed that she'd been stirring the pot the whole time.

"You startled me Jefferson" she scolded playfully.

"My apologies your majesty! Please, allow me to make it up to you" he teased, a wicked smile etched across his features. In three quick strides he'd crossed the palatial room and swept her into his arms; her mouth opened to admonish him but he seized the opportunity to kiss her. She melted almost immediately, the ice queen façade she'd recently adopted faded away and she pulled him closer into their embrace.

Pulling back for air she rested her head on his chest momentarily before leaning back, "My cooking skills play no part in my magical ability" she rebuked.

Her attempt at anger was betrayed by the mirth in her eyes, although Jefferson wondered how long it would be till that vanished too, alongside so many of her other quirks. He tried to push the thought from his mind; it just gave him an unpleasant knot in his stomach and rather dampened his mood.

"What are you even doing here?" Regina asked, stepping back towards the fire, glancing around what had been her marital home. They spent most of their time together at his modest cottage and this was one of only a handful of times he'd visited the palace since Regina had been 'widowed' so tragically.

"I was in the area and thought I'd drop by" he answered sarcastically, stepping up beside her to peer into the pot.

Regina smirked at him and continued to stir-absent-mindedly, lost in translating passages of text from no doubt another of Rumplestiltskin's books, "And here I thought you just couldn't stay away"

He wrapped his arms around her, kissing down her jawline, very aware of the thin line he was treading. Right on cue she side-stepped away, although he didn't miss the faint sigh that passed her lips; "Not now Jefferson, I'm in the middle of something"

Jefferson went to argue but decided against it; instead familiarising himself with the warm, fire-lit room lined with books and priceless artefacts that he doubted the King had known anything of. Minutes passed as he waited for her to finish and embrace him, although his attention span soon betrayed him, "So, how lovely is it having the palace all to yourself now? I hear your step-daughter ran away?"

If she heard him she didn't react, continuing to add ingredients and mutter words without so much as a backwards glance.

He couldn't quite seem to get a handle on her emotions at the moment; she flicked between loving and kind to harsh and unforgiving so quickly that it gave him whiplash. He'd taken to treading carefully around her, yet another sad sign that magic was taking away the qualities of Regina that he loved the most. They'd always been open with each other, to an extent, and had never tried to keep secrets, well big ones at least. Nowadays Jefferson couldn't even imagine what she spent her time doing, when they together it was the one thing they didn't speak of.

"What are you even making?" he tried again, stepping back towards the fire.

"It's a transmogrification potion, to allow me to go unseen by the people" she hesitated, "well at least for a day or two"

Jefferson grit his teeth, there was no way he'd like the answer if he asked why she'd need such magic. A tense silence fell over the room and Regina set about to find another ingredient apparently aware that her answer had displeased him. In the many years now that she'd been learning dark magic, Jefferson had watched her change from a distraught, vaguely naïve and innocent young girl into this. A power-hungry queen with a frightening quest to make the kingdom love her; quite what her end game was, Jefferson didn't know. He suspected it was better that way and he could only hope as much that he could bring her back to her senses first.

"You're pacing Jefferson, which means you're upset" she noted, stood firmly engrossed in the book with her back to him. Her hair was tied high and flowed well past her tiny waist, and she wore a gown of deep navy silk and silver lace. When they'd first met her hair was casual and her clothes more so, comfort rather than fashion. Another part of her that he was losing.

"I'm not upset" he lied, walking across the room and fingering the spines of the books along the wall, waiting for her to turn back to him.

She disappointed and merely continued her brewing, "and you're doing a terrible job of covering it up" she paused in order to pick up a small vial, "which is so unlike you"

Her dig cut but he sensed she was looking for a fight; she knew exactly what buttons to press and she only did it when she felt pressured, like a trapped wild animal. Their fights were often brief and fiery, ending in a passionate night of reconciliation and a pretence that nothing had happened. The only time it was different was when magic was involved; he'd been portal-jumping for long enough to know of the problems it caused. She had been using it long enough to still find it fun and exotic, in a nauseatingly naïve way that he blamed on Rumplestiltskin, although there was no doubt she admired it's intense power as her abilities grew. Their fights over magic were always quieter, never escalating above raised voices which in a way made them more personal and a damn lot more difficult to end.

"I don't even need to ask why you're upset."

Her statement hung in the air, but at least she'd turned to face him having extinguished the flames. Her beauty hit him every time, he could never have enough of waking up next to her; if only she would quit her foray into magic and run away with him. He'd suggested once that she leave the king, but she'd clammed up; and now the King was dead, she still wouldn't give up her quest for revenge.

"If you know then there's little point to this talk, or even my presence here" he said bitterly.

"Must we do this Jefferson? You knew when we met that I was learning dark magic" she said exasperatedly. Her eyes narrowed as he made to protest, "Actually, as I remember it, you were supposedly there to break the last of my heart, my objections, and push me forward in my studies" she hissed.

He stared back at her stunned. This had always been a touchy subject since she'd realised his true role in that fateful night; but after enough begging and protested innocence, Regina had forgiven him. Or so he had thought.

"And I was wrong to do that! I know, but I didn't think you'd take it quite this far!" he cried.

"I don't do things by half Jefferson; surely you've learnt that by now"

He snorted, "Oh boy have I!"

She ignored his remark and busied herself bottling and clearing up her potion mess as the general anger in the room dissipated.

"Why?"

She reacted slowly to his question, obviously giving herself time to think of a response before returning his intense gaze.

"Why am I learning magic?"

"Yes"

Her hands flew to her elbows, adopting a defensive stance that was a particular favourite of hers, "I have an end game, let's leave it at that. It'll only upset you more" she sighed, pleading silently with him to drop the issue.

"Don't patronise me Regina!" he shouting, thoroughly annoyed by her blatant nonchalance of the situation, "I think I deserve the truth! Unless this…I…meant nothing to you"

She visibly paled at his words but pulled herself up to full height, an action he'd noticed her adopted when she left Regina mode and became this new, cold person he despised. "You want to know why?! Because I'm going to end that perky little Snow's happiness. I will have my revenge and ruin her happily ever after, I will make her suffer; make her regret everything she's ever done to me! I want her to hurt as much as I do; to have her true love ripped away, to feel like she'll never be happy again!"

The forcefulness and pure hatred of her outburst seemed to momentarily stun them both, although Regina recovered far quicker than him.

"Wow Regina. Just wow." He stepped back from her, feeling oddly more disappointed than shocked. He'd always known the first part, he knew she hated Snow White with a passion, but the intensity still made him thankful he'd never pissed her off quite as much!

Turning on his heel he snatched his coat from the chair and reached for his hat, "Jefferson where are you going?" Regina muttered, and from her tone it was quite clear she thought he was getting worked up over nothing.

"Away, anywhere but here. Apparently I don't, and can't, make you happy so why are we even doing this? I'm probably just a pawn in one of your little games, and to be honest, I don't really like this new you"

She raised an eyebrow, "The new me?"

He scoffed, "This cold, calculating witch in a tiara"

"You always did have such a way with words" she spat, sarcasm dripping off her words.

"I've told you how I feel about dark magic; why is it still an issue?"

She glared at him, "It's only an issue because you keep making it one!" angrily she strode across to the window, "This is the only way forward, and you're a fool if you think it can be any different!"

"Perhaps I have a less bleak outlook on the world"

"Please. Optimism just means you lack information Jefferson"

"You're wrong about that. You just can't see it because you've become too consumed, so wrapped up in this idea of taking down Snow White; who may I remind you, is now an orphaned grown woman on the run from you"

"She was a child who cost me everything!" her voice trembled although her icy glare remained unscathed.

"Back to this….again"

This time her eyes flashed dangerously, "You have no idea what she put me through!"

"She, the eight year old child or she…your mother?"

Regina's jaw visibly dropped, that had been one subject avoided even more than magic and Jefferson could tell that he'd left the line a long way back.

"How dare you speak to me like that!" she hissed, "Need I remind you that I am the Queen!"

Jefferson rolled his eyes, "Well that's becoming more obvious every day"

Infuriated she stepped towards him, "Just who do you think you are Jefferson? Trying to dissuade me from magic, remove me from my throne…." her harsh words cutting into him like knives, "You're just another person trying to control me"

"You know what, Regina; when you've come to your senses and realised Rumplestiltskin is just leading you down this path for his own gains; then come find me"

"Fine"

"Fine" with a flick of his wrist the hat landed between them and after a split second he was gone.

Regina watched the portal close up before she collapsed into a chair, squeezing her eyes tightly closed to stem any tears that threatened to spill. How could she be to stupid? How could he, have the audacity to complain about her magic yet again? Her head was spinning, their argument racing on a loop through her mind, seeming more and more absurd by the minute.

When had their relationship turned so sour as to result in such a blow-out as this? She could hardly remember a screaming match lasting so long before, and certainly not one with barbed insults meant to cut deep. They were becoming more frequent, driven by his insane notion that somehow she was changing with the dark magic; perhaps she was just growing up. Something he clearly needed to consider.

After a few moments of contemplation she glanced over at the cold fire pit, the completed potion caught her eye and something inside of her reawakened. Her end plan, of course. Jefferson was just testing her surely, trying to find out whether or not she planned on actually carrying it out so he could figure out his next move. Regina stood and smoothed the wrinkles from her gown; this fight meant nothing, Jefferson would be back again. She was sure of it. He could stay away no more than she could.

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A:N. Thank for sticking with it, feel free to please review :-) I know it's a little slow moving right now, but I've got the next three chapters done and can promise we'll be in Storybrooke soon ;)


	3. Sunset Fades To Black

**A:N: **_Thanks for sticking with it guys, sorry for the update delay but a Regina drabbly/one-shot took over my brain and wouldn't leave until it was written. Enjoy!_

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The winter palace was cold and lonely, an impenetrable fortress that kept the outside world from getting in, and her pain from getting out. Regina spent most of her days working on the curse; the sheer intensity of the power that came from making such magic was like a drug. She craved complete and utter control and submission from the people who had ruined her life; their misery would be the biggest comfort of all.

By now everyone had heard of the Evil Queen's curse, and Regina relished the increasing panic as Snow and Charming tried desperately to find a way to stop her. She'd successfully put the cat among the pigeons at their wedding, how satisfying it had been to ruin that perky little girl's special day. It had been bittersweet though, she'd never get a chance to marry Daniel, and the fact that Jefferson hadn't returned since their fight made it more likely that she'd never even get a second chance at true love.

Her lover's absence had actually surprised her, she'd been so sure that like always he'd come running back in a few days having realised that a disagreement over the use of magic wasn't worth throwing away everything they had together. They had many secrets mixed into their long, volatile relationship which had spanned years since she'd first met him. It was just too complicated to give up so easily.

However as the days, weeks and then months went past she'd come to conclude that perhaps he didn't feel quite the same. Perhaps their relationship hadn't meant as much to him as it had to her. On a deep level she knew that to be vastly untrue; but it helped numb the ache she felt as each day ended without him.

* * *

Jefferson didn't quite know why he was doing this; it was only a horribly slim chance that it would go remotely well. He knew she'd be angry at him for keeping his distance, for refusing to cave and contact her immediately after their fight. In a way that made both his stomach churn and his heart ache, Jefferson felt apprehensive as to just how much she'd punish him. He'd heard so many recent rumours about this new 'Evil Queen', that he was well-prepared to accept she might just kill him. Apparently her father had already met that fate.

Whilst he had no doubt that he believed this, a small part of him clung on to their past, to the intense connection they'd shared, and perhaps she'd allow him to live for those reasons. For his own sake he hoped so.

Jumping into the portal he appeared in the palace grounds, glancing up at the black and silver shards in the twilight; '…_bad idea_', he mumbled bitterly to himself as he climbed the thousand stone steps.

Her guards informed him she was in the west tower and Jefferson found it with ease in the draughty cold palace he'd once almost felt at home in.

* * *

"It's been a while Jefferson"

Her voice was slightly bitter and she was already pouring two glasses of rich red wine in anticipation of his arrival. She looked like she hadn't aged a day since he'd last been here; her deep plum gown hugged her sensuous curves, accentuated by the diamonds draped around her neck and the background of her long raven curls. Not a single part of her reminded him of their first days together; her youthful innocence was gone, her personality had changed completely and although he hated to admit it, he found her slightly intimidating.

'_This isn't how it should be_' he thought angrily to himself. They'd been lovers for so long yet he felt like the woman in front of him was a complete stranger. He knew nothing of what went on in her head any more and the fact that Rumplestiltskin had finished his training terrified him slightly.

"Thank you" he mumbled as she passed him the glass, he figured he'd probably need alcohol to make it through this night.

She reclined in a chair by the empty fireplace, looking regal and at ease with his discomfort as she sipped at her wine. He knew she expected him to sit, his towering over her would put her on edge; she never liked surrendering control.

"Sit why don't you Jefferson…" and he smirked a little at his accuracy and for once he held his ground, ignoring her request cum demand and leaning against the stone wall.

He watched her temper flare at his disobedience, "Or stand I suppose. Whichever you prefer"

A large gulp of wine did little to settle his stomach and he near enough drained the glass just for something to do with his hands. Time passed awkwardly as she watched him pour another glass and return to his spot without a word.

Eventually her impatience won out, "Just what exactly did you want Jefferson?" her annoyance apparent and he wondered whether she felt betrayed by his long absence. He muffled a snort; of course she would be the one to feel wronged. Self-pity had long ago wrapped itself around her and he doubted she even considered how he'd felt.

"I've heard rumours"

Regina raised an eyebrow, "I'm sure there are many of them floating around dear, you'll have to be more specific"

"Your curse. What you threatened to do at Snow White's wedding"

Her face fell as she snatched up her long-empty glass for a refill, "And you've come looking for a fight?" she questioned, sipping her wine thoughtfully "Well I'm sorry to disappoint you Jefferson, but I don't feel much like fighting"

She didn't return to her seat and watched him like a predatory panther, slinking around the edges of the tower as she waited for his next move.

"No fighting Regina, just help me understand. How can I change your mind?"

His low voice, threaded with desperation and pain resonated through her; she knew his plan, he wanted to appeal to the young girl buried deep within. What he hadn't seemed to be able to grasp yet was that that young, innocent girl was long gone. Dead. Destroyed by manipulative parents, an abusive marriage and revenge that ran so deep it held her together.

"This is old ground Jefferson, let's not go over it all again" she replied, exasperated by his persistence, "You can't change me and you're a fool if you think you can"

Jefferson clenched his glass tightly, "You never once mentioned cursing us all to an eternity of misery! Just slipped your mind did it?" and she recognised his typical defence mechanism, hiding behind his sarcasm.

"Stop your petty protest and accept what's going to happen" she sighed, "I'll even let you chose a new life for yourself; whatever career, house you want in the new land"

She flinched at the sound of shattering glass and with a flick of her wrist had the glass of wine back in his hand, ignoring his own flinch at her magic.

"I don't want a new life Regina, no lies built around new houses or new identities! I want the life we could have, the life you deserve to share with me; if only you'd just let yourself!" he shouted.

"We always want what we can't have Jefferson"

"And why is that so wrong? To want to be with you, to be with…." his voice hitched, "Why are you so scared of a normal life…of giving this all up?"

Her eyes flashed dangerously, that's all she'd ever wanted when she'd been younger and he knew that. He knew she hated this life that had been carved out for her by her mother. But now, after so long and so much betrayal, it was the only life she knew.

Flicking her head away Regina strode across to a window, "You know that's all I want Jefferson, but it's too late for that now" she gazed across the calm waters of the lake below, watching how the moonlight made the castle reflections shimmer and dance, "It's too late for me"

His jaw clenched as he fought the urge to shake some sense into her, but instead settled for slamming his glass back down. Back when they'd been younger and carefree, before dark magic wove its way too deeply into her life, he'd often begged her to leave the King. She'd always laughed and rolled over in bed, apparently humoured by what she pretended to believe was a joke.

"Come away with me" His voice was hoarse from the rich wine and it barely came out as more than a whispered request. "We can go to another realm, any other land; Snow White will never bother you again, and even Rumplestiltskin's power doesn't stretch to jumping realms yet"

His desperation was showing through but for once he didn't care, he'd put his whole heart on the line and there was no point in pretending he hadn't. The silence that came gave his mind time to think, to regress back to when they'd first met and Jefferson had known, deep down, that this enchanting creature would steal his heart. As he'd comforted her in the wake of the doctor's failure something had changed; the excitable, impulsive boy had suddenly grown into a man who could love. Whose heart ached with every tear that fell from the beautiful girl's face as her body shook and her remaining hope drained away.

Jefferson glanced back at Regina; absolutely nothing remained from that fateful day. By the time he'd realised how he felt, it had been too late to stop. From that day forth, his biggest life regret had been his hand in changing Regina into a monster, into enabling Rumplestiltskin to use her as a pawn in his twisted little games.

"I can't leave with you Jefferson" her voice threatened to break but her steely resolve won through, "I can't give up everything to do what…? Be the wife of a portal-jumper, lead a volatile life of instability just running through endless worlds?"

His fist clenched at her dreary tone, "It can be so much more than that"

Regina shook her head slowly, "No it can't, because that's who you are", she waved a hand around the palace, "Just like this is who I am"

She'd never wanted to be Queen, it was a title forced upon her by the people who were supposed to care about and protect her. Shoved into a ready-made home, an abusive marriage and the bitter role of step-mother; yet she couldn't bring herself to give it up. She'd fought it for so long, and lost so much in the process, that giving it all up now would be futile. It wouldn't bring back Daniel. Or her father. And it certainly wouldn't punish Snow White enough.

"I love you Regina"

She squeezed her eyes shut and willed herself not to tear up; she couldn't let him exploit her feelings. '_Love is weakness Regina!' _Her mother's voice still echoed endlessly through her mind.

Slowly looking back at him she steeled herself for the inevitable, "I care for you, but it's not love Jefferson"

She visibly saw her lie crash into him, knocking the breath out of him and stunning him in its wake.

"I don't believe you" he whispered, eyes brimming with hurt, pain and betrayal; everything she never allowed him to see in her own gaze.

"You can't fight for something that doesn't exist" her grip on the emotion in her voice finally found its strength, she had to do this. "Let me go and move on"

His eyes searched hers, looking for any sign to confirm that he thought she was lying. But she didn't give him one. Instead she turned away, it was too painful to watch and she wouldn't give anyone the satisfaction of seeing her cry.

"You're choosing magic over me? Again" He felt numb all over; this was not what he'd expected even in the worst scenarios.

She squeezed back the tears, "This is over Jefferson; I'm done with you"

He wanted to shout, to fight with her and convince her that she was making a mistake; but he couldn't find the strength to do it again. He'd spent so much of the past few years doing just that, that perhaps it was time to concede defeat. Move on. Away from loving somebody who couldn't, didn't know how to, love him back.

Turning back she forced herself to maintain a steely guise, "I don't get why you're doing this again" he uttered sadly, "I can give you everything you always wanted, we could be happy together Regina" but even as he said it he could feel his dream slip away from reality.

"That's the problem Jefferson. People change; I don't want those things anymore"

Her answer had the opposite effect to what she desired; instead it seemed to encourage him that perhaps he could offer her something else. Anything else. But it wouldn't happen. She couldn't let it happen. She had to let him go.

Briefly squeezing her eyes closed she met his saddened gaze and in a brief moment of insanity she stepped up to him, barely a few inches apart and ran a finger absently along his cheek. His eyes brimmed with unanswered questions and hurt, but as quickly as it had appeared, her tender side was gone once more.

Stepping back she clutched tightly at her glass goblet, "I don't want that anymore and…" she briefly hesitated, "I don't want you anymore"

Jefferson had finally had enough; she was playing mind games, manipulating people having learnt from only the best. And he wasn't going to stick around to fight for something he'd already clearly lost.

"I hope your curse brings you what you're looking for Regina" he mumbled bitterly, sending his hat spinning to the ground as she turned back away from him, viciously clenching her nails into her palms hoping the pain could replace the tidal wave of emotions.

Snatching up his coat he spared her one last, slightly wistful glance, "Because it sure has hell has cost you everything"

* * *

As soon as he disappeared a lonesome tear escaped down her cheek, the salt landing bitterly on her lips. She wished she could call him back, that she could go with him. That she could let go of her need for revenge and allow herself some happiness. Swallowing hard her eyes welled up; even if she could call him back he wouldn't want her now. What she'd done was unforgivable; choosing revenge over the man she loved. It both disgusted and amused her. She'd longed to be loved all her life and now she'd thrown it away. Their history, the years spent together; it was all gone. Banished to be yet another painful memory, stored deep down alongside those of Daniel.

But she couldn't let it be in vain. This was yet another sacrifice to the cause; to making Snow White's life miserable and finally getting her happy ending. Harshly brushing away her tears Regina stalked over to the window, glancing down around what was left of her Kingdom. Revenge would be swiftly dealt and painful for all.

Now the wheels were in motion it was unstoppable, the curse would be carried out. It had cost her too much, too many of the people she loved. Regina's dark eyes flashed brilliant violet and it had begun. Revenge. Pain. Misery. Daniel's murder would finally be avenged, and now she had even more drive, she'd make them pay for her loosing Jefferson. '_It is technically, in a way, their fault_' she thought resentfully. Deep down, she knew that wasn't entirely true but in all honesty, she no longer cared.

* * *

Review/Concrit if only even to tell me how to make it better! I'm not picky ;-)


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